Curate of Curiosities

The description:

He's handsome, he's nice, he's intelligent...Diego, who just arrived at school, obviously has quite a few things going for him. All the girls are madly in love with him...and the boys can't quite manage to hate him! And Tamara is no exception to this rule. True to herself, she believes she has no chance with him. Yoli, her smart-mouthed little sister, pushes her to declare her love. And that, unbelievably, might work! And, for Tamara, the struggles of being a teenager will finally be followed by the struggles of the first great love story...

So it's come to this. Instead of doing volume 4 and onward like normal, we're doing some extended version of the best-of collection made to prop up an ill-conceived live action movie.

But hey, the choice was between this and skipping seven whole volumes, so I have the feeling that I've gone with the lesser of two evils here.

In the first ten or so pages of this album, there are a bunch of interviews with the movie's cast and crew. But we're not here for a behind the scenes for some teen flick, aren't we?

So we start reading the actual comic part of the volume, and Tamara is displeased at a black man moving into her...what do you know, it's the start of volume 1 again!

In fact, the entire first half of the album is just stuff I've already covered. There's even the part with the double cheeked up Cupid, the one where those old ladies imagine Tamara being seduced by the devil, and Wagner selling his classmates' nudes. Well, at least they didn't keep the dog sex.

The next few pages after that are more gags, obviously from the volumes that Google region blocked, the most relevant part being the introduction of two new characters.

First, we have Jelilah, Tamara's best and only friend. Evidently, somebody over at Dupuis thought it was a bit weird for her only companion and wingwoman to be a seven-year-old.

And then, you have Phillipe-Andre, Tamara's father. If you're wondering why he's taken this long to be introduced, then wonder no more. The reason is quite simple: he's a prick. So much so, that his own daughter dreams about selling him at a yard sale.

Neither of them were in the Best Of ebook, and I can understand why. Wouldn't want to alienate potential newcomers, after all.

Of course, there are still even more gags to be found after this, including one that I liked better when it was in the Pokemon anime.

At around page 40 out of 64, we finally have something resembling the film's plot, or at the very least, what I could gather from the trailer.

We're introduced to the rest of Tamara's class. Now this is starting to look like a real high school series.

We have Anais, the so-called "Queen of the Kama Sutra"...who's only ever slept with her teddy bear. Joy, the life of the party (get it, cause she's a goth, it's ironic), and Brian, who wisely decided to sleep through all this bullshit.

But enough about these losers, let's get to the real star of the show. Meet Diego. He's Chilean (okay, half-Chilean), and he's the new kid in class, who very, very nearly ends up sitting next to Tamara.

Pretty much every girl in school is immediately smitten with him, Tamara included, of course. And when I say immediately, I do mean immediately.

Keep dreaming, kid. Consider yourself lucky that he even bothers giving you the time of day.

That doesn't stop her from trying every trick she's got to get his attention, like writing terrible poetry, and buying a swimsuit that's waaaay too tight for her.

But even while in the midst of pursuing of the guy of her dreams, she must face for her worst enemy: gym class!

And just her luck, it's rope climb day! And of course, she can't even get two inches off the ground, just in case you forgot what comic this is.

Luckily for her, Diego swoops in and--Oh, oh no, not like that. You're putting with your whole back against her... stop! Just imagine the smell!

But hey, it worked! She made it all the way to the top!... I do hope Diego took a shower after that.

Not like this actually affects anything; the next few pages have her getting shown up by her other, fitter classmates. Can't say anything about Diego's hygiene, though.

Things get so bad, she ends up asking her dad for help! And here's what he has to say:

"You must avoid love like the plague! Your life needs to be like one of those depressing operas I perform all the time!"

Now, why did his wife end up leaving him for a black man again?

But despite expectations, his advice only gives her renewed motivation. It's not like things have gotten any better for her, though. Jelilah, of all people, has managed to get Diego to go out with her.

And she even invites him to a party at her house, just to rub it in further. I guess when there's a hot guy on the line, friendship goes right out the window.

But guess what, she's got a contingency plan for that, too!

Step one, you get drunk. Step two, wallow in self-pity. Step three...forcefully make out with Wagner.

Well, I didn't say it was a good plan.

The next morning, after the inevitable hangover, she finds out that Anais (you know, the teddy bear girl from earlier) took out her cell phone camera and recorded everything. Everything.

And it looks like she's done a few other things that the comic couldn't show without raising the age rating. And believe me, it was already on thin ice with the underage drinking. Worst thing of all, she threw up on Diego! Between that and the gym class incident, it looks like that's it for what little chance she had of getting with him.

But, for better or worse, she's no quitter. So, here's her new plan: get the family out of the house for the night, then get all her class mates to come to her apartment...so she can throw a party for them, of course...

Oh no. What is this? Where did you even get that? If they see you in that outfit, you'll never hear the end of it!

Not that it matters. Wagner got to her house before everyone else, so now the party's canceled. Why? Because he didn't get invited. Moral of the story, don't be picky when inviting your classmates to your reputation-mending party. Invite your enemies too!

So what's she gonna do now?

[Music: Eyes On Me - Faye Wong]

Well, would you look at that, Diego's here! Nice of him to be fashionably late. Oh, and Philippe-Andre is here too. Yay...

"Remember when I said to avoid love like the plague? I was just joking. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my performance of an opera about someone's dog getting run over."

(No really, that's the actual dialogue.)

Do you mind? Your daughter's about to have a moment here. Right, now where were we?

"Sure, you threw up on me, and did a bunch of other things at that party, but guess what? I have a BBW fetish, so it's all cool!"

...Really now?

That went better than anyone could have guessed. A lot better. Who would think that this fat lump with a really dumb hairstyle had any chance with Mister Tall Dark And Hispanic over here. Now let's just let them have their moment and--

Oh right, Wagner. Seeing his plan fail, he goes back to his room and starts sulking in front of...

A shrine. Full of photos. Of Tamara. Uh-huh. So I guess she was onto something with that Freud stuff after all.

Alright, there's our last minute twist, that's the end of that, right? Not quite. In the very next panel, our heroine drags Diego into her room and on top of the bedsheets...is this going where I think this is going?

No, no, don't! This can't be happening! This shouldn't be happening! Phillipe-Andre, come back, your daughter's having a moment--!

[The very last panel is of the two of them in bed together]

The Moment Of Truth (click to view)

...How could this have happened? Was this even in the movie? How is it that Google was okay with this, while at the same time, blocking off nearly half of the series, which might have included whatever volume this was bound to show up in?

"This volume contains content from volumes 1 through 7." says the blurb on the very first page. Volume 7? So that must be where the plot was from?

Volume 7 (click to view)

Here it is. Volume 7, "My First Time." And yes, the description for this tie-in seems to have been directly copied from that of this volume.

What did I get myself into? This comic started out so innocently. I mean this is a European comic, I know standards are different over there, but this? If an American kids' comic tried something like this, then that would be it for them. There's no shortage of soccer moms and other moralists out here that would try to burn whoever's responsible at the stake.

...Thanks, Google.