Curate of Curiosities

I don't need to bother translating the title myself, since it already has an official English translation. It's "Who Do You Think You Are?"

Sadly, it doesn't seem like the official English translation was ever available on Google Play.

The description:

If you like them the way they like themselves, then you'll love them! Jenny and Vicky are the worst brats on the face of the earth. They act like they're the center of the universe, and perhaps they really are. With their sexy clothes, their provocative makeup and their always flawless hairstyles, wherever they go, every gaze is fixed, and the music stops. They don't see anything else but them. And good thing too, becuase Jenny and Vicky are desprate to be the center of attention. Their friend, the too tall Karine, learns this at her own expense while a certain Dan is interested in her. But Jenny and Vicky aren't the types to accept competition. Dan's letters never reach their destination, and his invitations mysteriously disappear in the water. Poor Karine! Yet in a world that values what's outside over what's inside, she can only be the punching bag for the other two. And what if Karine frees herself? What will happen to this broken trio? Will their friendship survive?

I would like to repeat that this comic has maintained a devoted following over the more than a decade that it has ran in Spirou Magazine, What about it has earned it such a following? Furthermore, does this out-horny Tamara? And more importantly, will I be able to get into this despite its less-than-promising premise? Let's find out.

Now that we're starting another European tween comic, let's begin by introducing our three half-melted dress-up dolls.

We have Vicky, the conniving, manipulative queen bee of the group.

Jenny, who wears a condom on her head and doesn't even know what continent South Africa is in.

And lastly, Karine, who is built like a cross between the Slenderman and one of those inflatable tube men you see at car dealerships.

This comic is about the three of them strutting around in their midriff-baring outfits (hence the title) while batting away every boy that crosses their path. Okay maybe Karine doesn't, but the point still stands.

The comic starts with them thirsting after John John, the hottest guy in school. Supposedly. He's always wearing a bike helmet, so you'll just have to take their word for it.

Sure, they have literally every boy in school chasing after them, but they're not ones to settle for some random Tom, Dick, or Harry, especially when there's a chance that they'll end up with Murphy over here.

Meanwhile, Karine is herself pining after some boy named Dan, and he might actually feel the same towards her. Silly Karine, you're not supposed to actually get some guy's attention! You're supposed to make your friends look hotter so that they'll get more attention!

Nothing that a bit of sleight of hand can't fix! Sorry boy, Karine couldn't show up to your date, but she's sent her friends to go in her place. That okay with you?

As a brief aside, I remember reading somewhere that there was this controversy over whether or not it should be available in school bookstores, due to it supposedly promoting eating disorders.

Maybe I'm just extremely out of touch with today's youth, but are they really this impressionable that they would be led on by this comic that's quite clearly making fun of the type of superficial mindset that would drive someone to an eating disorder? Actually, don't answer that.

Oh look, a sexy lifeguard! Perfect, just the opportunity for Vicky to put the moves on him! How will she draw him to her side?

...By presenting to him like a lioness in heat. Of course.

But whoops, looks like he's already spoken for. No matter, just drown her.

Yeah, take that...oh, you got Karine instead. Meh. It's not like either of them would give a shit if she died.

This comic, man.

Meanwhile, disaster strikes! John John's gotten into a horrible accident!

The good news, he's still alive, and is expected to make it out of the hospital. The bad news is, his bike got totaled! Sure it might not sound that serious, but remember that that bike is the reason he's pulling chicks to begin with; to them, he may as well be dead without his bike!

Now, back to the "Let's sabotage Karine's chances of getting with Dan" front. Come across her secret diary? Rip out the pages so what's left will make Dan look bad! She's getting love letters from him? Write one back saying that she's ditching him for John John!

And speaking of, guess who's back from the hospital?

Wait a minute, that's not a sick motorcycle! That's just a bike for little kids! Get outta here!

But even someone as submissive and overly trusting as her as her limits. After one horrible plot too many, she decides to leave them for good.

Of course, that's the problem, she's incredibly submissive. There's no way that she can stay away from them for long.

There's another problem: she doesn't have any other friends. No matter, she can just sit at lunch with the other girls, and hope that they don't to drown her.

So there's this fat girl they're bullying, I don't think she's given a name.

You see, now that Karine's out of the picture, they need someone else to make her look hotter by comparison. Ehh...they ditch her on the very next page, so that was utterly pointless.

So John John, now in his non-motorized bike, rolls up to Karine and slowly comes to the realization that they only liked him for his sick bike, and now that it's wrecked, he's practically nothing to them! More to the point, he should take of that helmet of his. It just looks tacky when you...

...You know it's bad when she's swearing in English.

Moving on...hm, what's this? Is that a smidgen of regret I sense? And what's more, Miss "What was Columbus' last name" is the one actually trying to patch things up with Karine and Dan? Perhaps I've been a bit too hasty in judging the two of them as being a pair of incorrigible...

Oh hey, the bike's back! Yaaay!

And even better, there was no actual need to actively make things better, as Dan confesses that he really was into Karine this whole time! And this makes her so happy that she goes right back into her friends' waiting arms! Never mind the fact that they've done absolutely nothing good for her this whole entire volume!

So, here's our end-of-volume status report; precisely one thing has improved for Karine, while her so-called friends continue to treat her like shit, and all the boys continue to perv on them. The end!

So that was volume 1. Obviously, I'm not part of the target audience for this, but you can bet I fully intend on reading the rest of this one day. A comic as high-profile as this, and with an official English translation no less, has no doubt been made available on other platforms.