Curate of Curiosities

Right after I finished chapter 2 of Mardek, I was planning to continue the nostalgia trip with the next and final chapter. I've played this chapter before (once on browser, and once on Steam), and I can tell you that, in terms of presentation and gameplay, this chapter blows the first two clean out of the water.

But the problem is, chapter 3 is longer than the first two chapters put together, so it will be a long time before I finish that, much less have a page ready.

So let's discuss some of the smaller, less ambitious projects that Cornwall made at around the same time that chapter 3 of Mardek was released.

First up, CARDECK, released in July of 2009. I don't think that it was ever on Kongregate like Mardek was, though his personal site from that time, which is likely to be the one place that hosted it,

It's a rather dull prototype of a trading card game, featuring monsters and weapons from Mardek. I couldn't even be bothered to finish a whole round. Moving on.

Next, Raider Episode 1, the sequel to Raider Zero, released in May 2009. Looks like Cornwall wasn't quite through with the story of Arkus Zei.

The premise is basically the same as in Raider Zero; Arkus is driving his spaceship through spce in search of treasures, when he comes across a planet that might have treasure, so he decides to run and gun his way through until he either finds treasure or dies horribly in the attempt.

Just like last time, you platform your way through a derelict spacecraft, but this time, without the RPG elements. The platforming is a bit tighter than in Raider Zero, but half the screens in the game are absolutely lousy with spikes.

There's a second episode that was released three monts after its predecessor, with the exact same premise, but with two differences: one, Arkus now has a hot (human) babe in tow, that was apparently trapped on the derelict ship in chapter 1.

And two, he's now exploring a jungle planet with what I'm guessing are Mayan-style ruins, rather than a spaceship. I didn't bother getting very far in this episode, so I can't tell you what awaited Arkus past the first few screens.

And lastly, we have the one actually finished platformer: Clarence's Big Chance (no relation to the Cartoon Network series from the 2010s), released in February of 2011.

The premise is: you are an ugly middle-aged man who somehow still lives with his parents, who is on a quest to go on a date with someone he met on not-Facebook.

Stage 1: You just got up, so it's time to have breakfast and do what amounts to the bare minimum needed to be viewed as a functional adult. It's perhaps the single most expansive stage in the game, divided into seven different subsections.

I understand that Cornwall was born and raised in the United Kingdom, but this might be the single most British game that Cornwall has made so far. I can't tell you exactly why, maybe its the contemporary setting. Maybe it's the fact that all the coins you collect are clearly pound sterling. Maybe it's the really messed up enemy selection, such as multiple instances of both of Clarence's parents, animated lamps, penguins, and blenders, and that's just in the first level alone.

Stage 2: Make your way to work, dodging random pedestrians, hobos, cops, grannies, and clowns on the way (or, if you want, you can steal a car and run them over)

Stage 3: Go through your work day, doing a bunch of random errands like dealing with your Excel spreadsheets, which involves physically entering your computer, and apologizing on behalf of your boss to several female employess that he sexually harrassed, which made me wonder if this game will ever see a revisit in a post MeToo world.

Stage 4: It's nighttime, and your date's about to start. Be sure to pick up some flowers and a gift before you start your date.

Once you reach the site of your date, the game dispenses with the platformer and becomes a proper dating sim.

Over the course of the game, there are these computers that Clarence can interact with to learn things about his date. What he can find out is randomized on each playthrough. And did I mention that it's quite possible for your girl to be a worshipper of Yalort?

Anyways all you need to do is butter up your date by answering her questions in the right way, and you're in the clear.

One last thing, the very first time I finished the game, I had a completion rate of exactly 69%.